10 Things DJs Are Hating On

I wrote this for Ozone Magazine in 2008 & it's still true.

10 THINGS DJS ARE HATING ON

1. GETTING PAID AT 3AM- AND I GOTTA CHASE YA ASS FOR THAT! YOU SIGNED THE CONTRACT ANTE- DA-FUCK-UP!

2. AMATEUR STRIPPERS IN THE DEEJAY BOOTH- UNLESS IT'S A STRIP CLUB LADIES KEEP YOUR DAMN CLOTHES ON! TRUST ME ITS NOT ORIGINAL AND IF THE DJ IS PAYING YOU ANY ATTENTION HE THINKS YOU'RE A SKANK AND BEING A SKANK IS WORSE THAN BEING A HO!

3. PLAYLISTS- ON THE RADIO IS ONE THING BUT IN THE CLUB LET ME DO ME! THAT'S WHY YOU HIRED ME ISN'T IT?!!

4. PDs WHO WANT TO BE PERSONALITIES- YOU'RE IN MANAGEMENT HOMIE…YOU GET THE BIG CHECKS SO WHY ARE YOU HATING ON MY CLUB GIG AND ONE HOUR MIXSHOW?

5. CELEBRITY DJS??!! WTF IS THIS??!! YOU'LL PAY A REAL WORLD REJECT $5000 TO MOVE THE FADER AND BE RUDE TO THE GUESTS BUT I GOTTA ARGUE WITH YOU FOR $500 AND A BOTTLE OF WATER?!! THIS MOFO DOESN'T KNOW BPM'S FROM MPH

6. WANNABE DJS- PLAYING WHAT YOU HEAR ON THE RADIO DOESN'T MAKE YOU A DJ. CAN YOU CUT, SCRATCH, OR BLEND? MIXTAPES INVOLVE MIXING IF YOU CANT DO IT –IT'S NOT A MIXTAPE IT'S A COMPILATION!!! OH AND YOU CANT BE A DJ IF YOU'VE NEVER JOCKEYED A DISC...NICE IPOD THOUGH

7. CATS THAT HATE ANYTHING HAVING TO DO WITH RADIO BUT NAME THEIR MIXTAPES "_________ RADIO"…TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES…

8. INDIE RAPPERS- NO I WILL NOT PLAY YOUR SONG THAT I'VE NEVER HEARD AT 1AM WHILE THE DANCEFLOOR IS PACKED. AND NO YOU CANT GET ON THE MIC EITHER.

9. DJ GROUPIES- THE FELLAS ARE GONNA HATE ME FOR THIS ONE- ARE YOU SERIOUS?? THIS MOFO WORKS AT UPS EVERYDAY EXCEPT FRIDAY AND SATURDAY AND YOU BEGGING TO GET BANGED SO YOU CAN GET IN THE CLUB FREE NEXT WEEK?! GET A LIFE! DUDE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE.

10. GROUPIE ASS DJS- YOU CANT POSSIBLY LIKE EVERY SINGLE SONG BY EVERY SINGLE ARTIST AND BE IN EVERY DAMN DJ CREW. IF YOUR TAG LOOKS LIKE THIS:

      DJ SLAM-A-JAM

    CORE DJS/BUMSQUAD DJZ/ HEAVY HITTER DJS/    

    G-UNIT DJS/ BLACKWALL STREET DJS/ TELETUBBIES 

    DJS/ SANYO DJS/ WALMART DJS/ FANTA DJS/ ZYRTEC DJS/ HOV-AROUND DJS/ PERDUE DJS/DASANI DJS

         

DON'T KILL YOURSELF, JUST LAY DOWN & DIE!!